Hug the Fuck Out of Them!*
02 February 2008
Two days ago, Friday, I got the call I've been expecting for a while here. My temp. job at Nintendo was completed. I did know it was coming, as the call volumes have been really low for the past two weeks. I wasn't expecting to be so disappointed. It kinda threw me into this odd depression. Of course I'm worried about being able to pay rent. Even with the money behind me to pay about three months rent... and by then I'm sure to have a job. Aerotek says they already have a few things in mind for me, but as I was fired on Friday at like 4:30, my recruiter, Tiffany, had already gone home for the weekend. So it looks like I'll have to wait until Monday to hear anything about that.
Yet another most amazing thing that happened to me on Friday: I got an email from Garret, one of my to-be roommates, stating that I would not be able to move in that day (Friday) as the guy their kicking out is a huge, insane, asshole. He has, one way or another, found some sort of fucking tenant law that allows him to stay in the room for a few more days. The people I'll be moving in with are very chill, nice, et cetera. They just got unlucky with this guy I guess. He won't be there when I go in, so that doesn't matter much to me.
I just want to be out of here. I can hardly read my book for Christ sake. I slept on the floor in the family room last night - about 0000 to 0400, and then slept from 0410 to 1000, and again from 1600 to 2000... In other words; all day long. Just to avoid everything. I still feel like I want to sleep more. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. And then when I wake up it would be nice to go to some sort of college for a few years before going to my dream school: UCSD. I will probably have to sleep much longer before going to UCSD.
listening to: Rivers Cuomo - Alone: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo
*Achewood
Yet another most amazing thing that happened to me on Friday: I got an email from Garret, one of my to-be roommates, stating that I would not be able to move in that day (Friday) as the guy their kicking out is a huge, insane, asshole. He has, one way or another, found some sort of fucking tenant law that allows him to stay in the room for a few more days. The people I'll be moving in with are very chill, nice, et cetera. They just got unlucky with this guy I guess. He won't be there when I go in, so that doesn't matter much to me.
I just want to be out of here. I can hardly read my book for Christ sake. I slept on the floor in the family room last night - about 0000 to 0400, and then slept from 0410 to 1000, and again from 1600 to 2000... In other words; all day long. Just to avoid everything. I still feel like I want to sleep more. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. And then when I wake up it would be nice to go to some sort of college for a few years before going to my dream school: UCSD. I will probably have to sleep much longer before going to UCSD.
listening to: Rivers Cuomo - Alone: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo
*Achewood
posted by Scott Mathews # 9:33 PM 
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Get on some anti-depressants. If you want to read your book, there are coffee shops or bookstores.
# posted by 
: 2/07/2008 2:44 PM
: 2/07/2008 2:44 PM
Although I did express that not being able to read is a problem, and of course spending time reading in a coffee shop would help, that is not the problem I am currently being confronted with. Sure, anti-depressants would help (arguably) in the short-term, but I like to be naturally happy. Not to mention they are expensive as hell if I am to be dependent on them. What I need now is to be moved out, and with a job. Not anti-depressants and coffee shops.
If moving out and getting a job doesn't happen within two weeks I am to drive to a more secure home out of this state.
If moving out and getting a job doesn't happen within two weeks I am to drive to a more secure home out of this state.
I have your back whenever you need it. I know I supply spotty company; my life is everywhere.... but it doesn't mean I don't care Scott. I consider you my friend, and you don't leave friends to simple 'I hope' s and 'good luck' s.
You have me.
-Alexis
You have me.
-Alexis
If you seriously sprained your ankle, would you just sit there and say - No, I don't want any pain meds and I don't want any crutches, I want to walk normally again. Do you think willing your leg to work will help? No, you will sit there and not be able to function and be suffering for a long time.
The same with depression. You want to be happy, all your friends and family want that for you to. But perhaps when you are deep in a hole and there seems to be no way out. You just want to lay there and wish yourself out. That seems the easy way out, except you never get out that way.
It doesn't work that way. You do need a crutch. I'm not saying to be on meds your whole life - that is messed up. But to use them as a crutch to get you to a point where you are able to move on with your life - start to go out and have fun and create the life you want. That IS what they are there for.
Then you will get to the point where you are happy just the way you are and won't need them. But I promise you that if you don't get help - you will have suffered in vain for a LONG time to get to that point from where you are now. Why suffer needlessly? Who are you helping by sitting there being unhappy? You aren't doing yourself any favors. Just wasting time doing nothing and being miserable.
I'm sure if you resolve to help yourself, your friends or family will step in and try to help you as well. So many of us have been through depression and know how unhappy and lonely and miserable you feel. It isn't fun and it isn't who you really are. Please take some advice and take a step on the path to making yourself better.
The same with depression. You want to be happy, all your friends and family want that for you to. But perhaps when you are deep in a hole and there seems to be no way out. You just want to lay there and wish yourself out. That seems the easy way out, except you never get out that way.
It doesn't work that way. You do need a crutch. I'm not saying to be on meds your whole life - that is messed up. But to use them as a crutch to get you to a point where you are able to move on with your life - start to go out and have fun and create the life you want. That IS what they are there for.
Then you will get to the point where you are happy just the way you are and won't need them. But I promise you that if you don't get help - you will have suffered in vain for a LONG time to get to that point from where you are now. Why suffer needlessly? Who are you helping by sitting there being unhappy? You aren't doing yourself any favors. Just wasting time doing nothing and being miserable.
I'm sure if you resolve to help yourself, your friends or family will step in and try to help you as well. So many of us have been through depression and know how unhappy and lonely and miserable you feel. It isn't fun and it isn't who you really are. Please take some advice and take a step on the path to making yourself better.
# posted by : 2/11/2008 1:51 PM
: 2/11/2008 1:51 PM
I understand what you're saying and I do take it to heart. I guess it's just hard for me in my condition to actually get up and see the doctor. I'm feeling happy at the moment, now that I'm finally moved out. More confident as well.
I've been depressed lately because the first four months I've lived here in Seattle, I had no friends. I didn't talk to anyone except friends in Utah, and people at work. The night before last that changed. I actually was taken out by friends. I was able to take the time to meet people and become friends with them. That made me happy, and I am happy still.
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I've been depressed lately because the first four months I've lived here in Seattle, I had no friends. I didn't talk to anyone except friends in Utah, and people at work. The night before last that changed. I actually was taken out by friends. I was able to take the time to meet people and become friends with them. That made me happy, and I am happy still.
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