I'm so fucking stupid,
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listening to: Cursive - Domestica

So, I've decided to contradict myself. Everything I said after "...such a way,' and so on." Is completely opposite of what I really feel. What the fuck.

listening to: Opeth - Damnation

Everything I've planned just slips right through my hands, hey I don't--know--why

The world is feeling like it's passin' me by--I'm fixin' to lose it, and I don't--know--why

/me hums along

Lately things have been a little better. Last night I went to Superbad with Cody. I laughed my ass off through the entire movie, it was amazing. After we went to Denny's and talked about things. As you may or may not understand, the things which we discussed are generally things I don't ever talk about, but constantly feel the need to. Silly things like; "such-and-such are hypocritical, who-and-poo 'don't like reading!?', what's-her-face feels in such a way," and so on. In nuce it helped me realize that what I was feeling towards this girl I've gone on about in my head for weeks, is all due to my... erm... Well I'm not really sure, haha. It made me feel better with her (seeming) apathy for more-than-friendliness. Which, now, is totally fine with me. Not that I don't want to be with her, it's just that I feel less sad about not being granted such an exclusive right. I suppose part of feeling content about the situation is making myself realize that it was meant not to happen in the first place.

OK, OK, I could go on about that for hours, all I'm doing is going in circles. It's silly. I don't even know why I'm writing that out. I am finished.

listening to: Ben Kweller - On My Way

Hey,

My Friend, you're on my mind, all the time. It's not so bad thinking of you, except for the fear. I make mistakes all the fucking time. Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes... Mistakes You may or may not understand, or recognize for anything but ignorance or apathy. I assure you, my dear, I feel no apathy towards You. The antithesis, even. I am afraid. A childish fear of you, a childish fear in league with Darkness and the religious Man's God. Again I assure you, this fear is not such a bad thing; for it speaks of how I feel--though I suppose it is the reason we don't see each other often.

I don't know whether or not I should be sorry for my inaction, or if I should hope that You will see through my ridiculous screen of apprehension. Maybe you'll understand when you read this, that it is You I'm speaking of.

I don't really know what else to say...
~~
This is my letter to you, with Love.

listening to: The Beatles