I don't feel comfortable talking to her anymore. It isn't that I don't want to, I'm not sure what it is. It could be that I know my chances are kaput or it could be that I'm too nervous; it could be that I just have nothing to say, nothing worth saying, or what I feel is worth saying is out-of-bounds or a very unhappy subject. I still like her just as much, though there is far less than what there once was; I'm trying as hard as I can to keep the connection strong, it just really hurts. Sigh. It could be worse, I suppose. I could be sitting at home all day eating junk food, never seeing my friends,--might as well not have them--and playing on my computer. Oh... wait...that's all I ever do.

Being home just kills me. I hate being home. When I was visiting Laurel and Ryon the last few days I was happy. Even when I was just sitting around waiting for them to get home, or petting their cats when I couldn't sleep. I was happy being away from home. I didn't have to watch what I said whenever I was around them like I do with my parents and all my family in Hurricane.

I just hope these next three weeks until spring break/getting a job go by quickly. I'm really looking foward to going to spring break, but the fact that it is stopping me from getting a job really sucks.

On a lighter note; Dad and I (and Ryon and Jerry) put the engine back in the Van. We just need to plug everything in the rest of the way. I also guaged my ears to 10g. I woke up with them slightly swollen but I think it will go down in a few days.

listening to: Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning